헐

夜深了就特别多感慨。最近忙着实习的事，根本没时间沉淀自己的情绪。
说起实习，我也就开始为我的未来担忧。
不知该何去何从，也不知该走怎样的路。
可能我人生的最终目标是要活得不为钱而烦恼吧。
可能会有点现实，可是现在万物都以钱为基础。
没有了金钱烦恼才可以活得舒服自在。
但我也清楚知道刚踏入职场都是会有这样的烦恼。
没办法啦，菜鸟也就只能将就一下了。
忽然有种不想长大的冲动，我什么都不想管，只想快乐的做我自己。
可是我已经预见二三十年后的自己，应该又是为了讨生活而奔波吧。

现在该谈谈感情事了。
好奇怪，自从2014年初喜欢过一个男生后，我就再也没有对谁上心过。
也不是放不下他，就是对其他男生动不了心。
就一直处于这种单身的状态。可是我想声明，我是single but not available.
缘分来了挡也挡不住。
我不是为了想找个人疼我爱我而随便把我自己托付给别人的女生，更不会为了拍拖而拍拖。
我认为现在是自我升值时间，把自己充值后，才可以遇到更好的那个他。
实习时，有男生嘴贱酸我为什么不找男朋友。
我如实解释了自己的看法，却被他们说我这是太dry而袒护自己的言论。
对不起我想你搞错了。就是有你们这种男生，我才不想谈恋爱的。
到处撒网，见到有无知/不错的女生上钩就收网。你们的喜欢/爱都那么廉价吗 ?
果真现在这个年龄的男生还不够成熟。所以我绝对赞成另一半比自己年长会过得好的这个看法。
我真心希望可以遇到一个能指引我能领导我的男人。*严重声明是男人不是男生*
嘴贱/油腔滑调的男生我们真的不来电，请管管你的嘴谢谢。
你对我嘴贱，我的嘴就会比你更贱。请不要以为我会娇羞/装傻回复你。*那么不温柔活该没男友*
我还真的做不出细声细语弱不经风的样子。很好奇那些女生是怎样做到的。

*我压抑了一个月的看法，终于在今晚倾洒而出。跟嘴贱男生相处烧了我不少脑细胞*

两年零四个月

两年零四个月，他们重逢于美好的季节。
不懂他们是怀着怎样的心情面对对方。
可是在我看来，最开心的，就是那些一直相信着这一天的人们。
我一直没有放弃过，也一直选择相信。
相信他们的相濡以沫，相信他们的肩并肩。
繁星不黯，我亦不离。

这是我自己的脑洞  : *不喜勿喷*
假设K与L的关系仍然处于最熟悉的陌生人阶段，那K今天一副高冷的样子就能被解释了。面对自己的前队友，他可能害怕众人的舆论与目光，才会筑起高墙，让外人不能伤害他。
而L，全程心情大好，甚至在K表演后给予一分耐人寻味的暧昧笑容。
从L的角度来看，他大方的在自己写的书里谈及前队友们，并依旧用以前的称呼来称呼他们。
当年在快乐大本营，眼中闪着泪光，嘴里说着"一个团队当然辛苦 忍一忍就过去了嘛"的L 就像是被伤害的刺猬。明明很受伤，还要竖起尖刺。
表面上像不会再原谅他的感觉，可是还是会去关注K的动态，会去听他写的歌。
然而，时隔两年，他似乎不再介意。
我只愿他们一切安好，不忘这份特别的情谊。

是时候充电了

浑浑噩噩了一段日子，我想我也该充实自己了
不懂在哪儿看过一句话
“有时间就读书或旅行吧，灵魂和身体，必须有一个在路上。”
既然没有那么多机会去旅行，那我就读书吧。
我忽然想起之前收藏的一个帖子，是南俊曾经推荐的书籍。
我就挑中了几本来收藏。
而这本《无限近似于透明的蓝》，我看了简介，感觉还不错。
作者是村上龙，我找到的版本是华语译版。
反正页数没有很多，我就打算先把这本看了。
并不是想装文青，就是想透过文字看看这世界有多大。
我一直相信文字可以救赎灵魂。
有点后悔以前不懂得欣赏文字里的奥妙。
可是现在开始阅读一点也不嫌迟。
加油。

.

明明就很难受，却一滴泪也流不出。

难道长大了，就没有流泪的理由了吗？

时间推着我往前走，回头一看，我与真正的我背道而行，越行越远。

一个人的空间，怎样都填补不了的空虚。

悲伤的含量那么大，难过堆积在心头。
 
就像个装满水的气球，明明就撑不下去了，却还在硬撑。

拜托，给我一个哭的理由好吗。我憋得很辛苦。

每次考试就是负能量爆棚的时候，净会想些有的没的。

不过又考砸了一张纸，不要难过了好吗。

不过又是高估了自己，不过又是后悔没读书。

睡一觉起来，什么事都没有了。

Appreciation.

Time flies and fades at a very fast pace that I couldn't catch up. It's already 2016 but I'm still not believing it yet. I will be turning 21 in 4 months time. Back in the days I was still in secondary school, this is the moment where I'll be struggling to prepare for school reopen. How sad I couldn't relate myself to secondary school anymore. I once thought university life will be fun and interesting as I have much freedom and free time. Hehe but after crawling and rolling over all the shits in university for almost 3 years, I only realized that the secondary life that I had been through has became so precious to me. The best moment of my life is slipping away from my fingertips and I almost forget how happy I used to be.

But in 2015, I found my source of happiness. To me, they are not only idols but also my saviors and teachers. I always wonder what made me fall for them at the first place, and finally I found my answer. Yes, their musics and attitudes are the reasons why. For the very first time I could actually feel someone's vibes, so strong so powerful. Never expect myself to fall for them so hard, as their music is not my style. but hey, it's always hard to take the first step. I don't listen to hip hop and EDM that much in the past few years. So, I never expect myself to actually enjoy bangtan's loud music. The surprising part is I was attracted by bangtan's unique way of expressing hiphop, and idk what should I call it, it's just a special feature that bangtan owns, their music is special, you can just tell by listening to their songs. They have their own special way presenting their music. The lyrics they wrote are also one of the important reasons why I fell for them. Same as them, I'm in my early 20s too. Obviously we share the same problem. I'm actually glad that there are people out there that actually feel the same way as I do. Thank you bangtan for letting me know that I'm not alone. We all get lost in youth but after all we will still find the way out. Please give us some time and bear with us, we will be at the right spot someday. 

So, I'm actually very thankful to BTS, in every way that they reach out and get close to their fans, via musics, medias and of course their hearts. The motivation they gave me is so great. I love the way they encourage everyone to move along with them. Don't stop running even though you're hurt. It's okay if you want to rest, but do remember, the dawn is the darkest time of the day before the sun rises. So don't give up on your tomorrow. Never mind, we are still young, there are lots of things in the world that we can’t help. Growing up is all about falling down, learning and getting up. No matter how thorny the road is, don't give up, just run. Because we are too young and immature to give up. Whenever I'm feeling down and sad, I will listen to Rain, Tomorrow, Nevermind, Whalien 52 and 화양연화. These songs and lyrics motivate and heal me.

Music and passion brought these 7 young men from different backgrounds together, and they actually brought ARMYs from the whole world into one. Music makes one, this best describes BTS and ARMY. I am a proud army, seeing bangtan went through so many ups and downs, and now they are working hard to reach that spot. I will keep going with them, witness their success and mine too. Let's move on, to a better place. 2016 우리는 행복하자.